the fallout: on the other side

The number one question I answer at work is some form of inquiry as to the insane possibility of being both female and a computer technician. The second is the question of how I've "earned the clip on tie" - how did you learn all this stuff?

I learned by playing around on our home computer, and getting in lots of trouble for doing so. I learned by working on my grandmother's mac, because she didn't know enough to know what I was doing, and I couldn't get in trouble. I learned by building my own computer, with the help of a friend, and then blowing up a power supply and a video card and letting the smoke out of some wires.

People always ask me how I earned this clip on tie. I tell them it's just continued punishment. They laugh. Hey, you wanna wear this thing?

I unapologetically acquired an old mac last week. Here's what brought that on…

Delicious Monster has done an incredibly fantastic make-you-wish-you-owned-a-mac job with their library program - aesthetics and functionality alike will knock your socks off. I'm hoping to see more cool toys from these guys in the future. Check it out. You might even want to get a Mac.

Just finished modding a 1:87 scale die cast '65 Cobra model to fit a flash drive:

JVC has announced a new line of MP3 players. Their big news draw is the built in ability to convert analog to digital - legalities aside, that’s sweet. But sweet tricks won’t cover the fact that these shiny metal things come in 512MB and 1G sizes.

1G? Honestly. Maybe they’re just starting small… but they’ve got a long way to go to catch up with the ever popular cult brand that comes in 30 and 60 gigs. That’s 15,000 songs versus 120 at 512MB. My grandparents own more CDs than that.

Sorry JVC, but you haven’t wowed us yet. I still don’t own an ipod, though, so if you’re starting small, get moving!

No, really, it's not a hoax… you can actually get paid to drink Mt. Dew!

I'm off to cash in on the last six months of dew-be dew-be dewing… at fifty-five cents a pound, I'm gonna be rich!

Everybody runs into those puzzling, unfix-able computer problems.

There is a suprisingly simple yet often unthought of solution to most of these problems: google it! You don't even have to know what your problem is, just put in what you do know, and hit search. It's like magic.

Example one: You took your computer in to the school techs to have your data transferred from an old tower to a notebook. Now the CD drive doesn't work, and they say there's a driver missing that's impossible to reinstall. All you know is that the rogue driver is labeled i.link cdrw 1394 ieee. Having no clue what this might mean doesn't matter! Outsmart your school techs: google it!

If you google i.link ieee, you'll begin to get the idea that this drive is an external drive or part of a docking station. You'll also notice that you're not the only one running into trouble with these drivers disappearing and not reloading.

One of your search results will probably send you to Microsoft's support site, which is a very valuable tool in itself. Here, select your operating system (that's the name you read when your computer turns on: Windows ME, 98, 2000, XP, ect.), then search for your problem. In this case, selecting Windows 2000 and searching IEEE brought up a list of articles. I clicked on the headline, "IEEE 1394 Device May Disappear" . . .

Boom. Two minutes of reading and you'll have a clearer idea of what's wrong and, more importantly, how to fix it!

Then print out the page and hand it to those undereducated IT guys!

It's not the first time this topic has drawn eyes…

The newest rave in the gaming community, Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion, is already known for its excellent story line, beautiful graphics, intense game play, and the mod option for having your female characters run around topless.

We all know from watching movies that the less clothes a woman is wearing, the more likely she is to survive catastrophe - be it car chases, shoot outs, or hijacking - but now you can actually create your own more powerful less dressed warrior woman to run the streets of your computer screen beating on mobs with a spoon.

The fact that there is no spoon doesn't even matter.

Want to sound like you actually know what you're talking about when you walk into an electronics store to buy memory? A typical conversation starts with a simple question: how much will it cost to buy more memory for my computer? From there, the already-tired-of-these-questions technician will reply rapid fire: "How much? Laptop or Desktop? Do you know what speed?" and then, pausing for air while evaluating the perplexed look on your down trodden face, the technician will continue, "OK, well do you know what model computer it is?" and finally, "Why don't you just bring it in for me to take a look at it?"

So you go home, frustrated and no longer feeling like a man. You get your digital camera and when your wife's not looking you take a picture of the back of the computer so you know exactly how to plug in all those wires once you get back home. You lug the computer off to the store, stand in line for what seems like hours, and return to the same technician. In exactly point three seconds, they have the case opened, the memory out, and the new memory off the shelf. You, still trying to figure out just what went on in those point three seconds, look with horror or joy at the price tag (depending on the day) and back at the technician, who is staring at you wondering if you need help finding your credit card too.

 Let me save you (and the technician) some trouble… before you go trolling off to the store, use this very special trick. Visit Kingston or PNY's websites, enter your computer information* (either on the front or back of your computer case or the bottom of your laptop) and you'll be able to find - and even order - exactly what you need. It's important to note these three things:

1. Max amount of memory your computer can handle

2. The speed required: PC 100,133,2100,2700,3200,4200 for example

3. The number of slots you have free

That's it! From all the technicians in retail around the world, thank you.

*A note on Sony units: Sony generally gives two model numbers, on laptops one is on the bottom panel and one is by the lcd screen. If one doesn't match try the other.

Looks like Think Geek will hang on to my vote for the best 4/1 webpage hoax… while I'm not ready to "pin all my romantic hopes on Goggle," last year's Google Gulp still makes me laugh.

Tech site Slashdot joins in the fun by going valley girl on us, complete with links to just about every other tech site's April Fool's jokes; the best of which is this press release from Open Office:

For an undisclosed sum reputed to be in the billions, Microsoft's Bill Gates has personally bought the leading open-source desktop project. Saying he "was sick and tired of open-source eating away at his profits," the world's richest man decided to put an end to the nuisance and simply buy OpenOffice.org. It will form part of a growing list of Microsoft acquisitions, including several erstwhile competitors, a considerable number of prominent politicians, and a few small governments.

The online gaming community's best chance at attention comes from World of Warcraft's annoucement of the introduction of a new race known as the wisps. Though the announcement won't gather laughs from anyone not familier to the game, that leaves about 7 million to enjoy comments like this one about the wisp racial skills:

Treeform: Turns the wisp into a tree for 30 seconds. During this time, spirit is increased by 300. However, the wisp's chance to dodge or parry axes is reduced by 50%.

Elsewhere in the great world of the internet, Woot goes overkill on an attempted worst-woot-ever sale, Yahoo doesn't even try, and National Geographic gives us a two page report on this:

As the U.S. government debates major immigration reform, environmentalists warn that the proposed laws would also prevent animal migrants from crossing the country's southern border.

Only, seems they missed the memo. They're not joking.